The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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