if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
