did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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