I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
