I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
