I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
