if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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