That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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