She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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