I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
