Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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