I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
