i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
