dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
