I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
