How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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