Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
