Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
