i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
