..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
