Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
