Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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