Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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