well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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