Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
