After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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