can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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