i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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