Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
