I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
