You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
