Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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