It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
