If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is the high leading the old right now
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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