I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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