Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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