Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
