No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
