Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
