I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
