Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
sex in a hospital.. check
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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