I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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