I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
