he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
