Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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