we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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