I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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