He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
