About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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