Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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