Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
