Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My breasts were aching with rage.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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