I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
