Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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