When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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