I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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