After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
