Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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