I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
