she smelled like a LAN party
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
