lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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