we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
