Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
