I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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