We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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