your room smells of hookers.
And success
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
