i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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