then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
last night I used snow as a chaser
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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