I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
