Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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