I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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