just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
