god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
