What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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