I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
last night I used snow as a chaser
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