I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
